It snowed this morning. I was pretty ticked that I still had to go into work, when all I really wanted to do was burrow back down in the covers and snooze. The boys are home from school, but I doubt that I could have justified the need to stay home with a 16 and 18 year old... so I pulled on my boots and hat, and fought my way through unplowed streets to get here. And I'm glad I did.
The view from my desk is absolutely beautiful. The snow is still coming down, covering the evergreens and rooftops. Across the circle is one of the oldest buildings on Drury's campus - Wallace Hall. It is a stately brick dormitory, and today it has snowcapped ledges to compliment the structure. It is easy for me to forget that I'm in Springfield MO and pretend I'm in Cambridge, MA!
Drury has been termed by someone in our history as "the Harvard of the mid-West" (or is it Princeton?). I suppose this is a reference to our prestige, but I have to say, I feel that the physical beauty of our campus has just as much to lend to this moniker. Stately trees line Drury Lane (did you know we are a tree farm? Over 300 varieties on our campus!), and our facilities staff takes immense pride in caring for the grounds.
All in all, I feel blessed to be here. I'm receiving an education (in more ways than one), I am in a position to impact students, I'm warm, I'm employed.... just to name a few positives.
As I ponder these thoughts, I wonder what other areas of my life may not be the "best and brightest", but are enough. If I spent more time meditating on what I do have than what I don't, would I feel just as blessed? I hope so...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Progress
Hi, I'm Tammy, and I'm a diabetic.
There, I said it. I'm owning it. I'm also taking charge of it. According to my doctor, my fasting blood sugars should be under 100; that's the goal. This has not happened for me in at least a year. But I am now on modified meds, and this week, I had a funeral for sugar and buried it. Already, I'm seeing the results. My Monday morning level was 160, Tuesday was 150 and today is 140. I've exercised at least 30 min each day since last Thursday, and this has also helped with my general overall feeling of well being. I'm committing to being in bed by 10:30 during the week, and doing at least one productive thing each evening before I share tv time with Keith.
I'm also trying to really analyze what I feed into my mind; is it positive messages or negative? This doesn't mean I'm sticking my head in the sand and being unrealistic. Just the opposite, actually. I'm not listening to messages that make me discontent with the place I'm in. No messages that make me feel my worth is in being younger or more beautiful or having a knight in shining armour to rescue me from life's doldrums. As a former boss used to say- "It's time to pull up your big girl panties" and fight for the abundant life that's out there! You go girl!
There, I said it. I'm owning it. I'm also taking charge of it. According to my doctor, my fasting blood sugars should be under 100; that's the goal. This has not happened for me in at least a year. But I am now on modified meds, and this week, I had a funeral for sugar and buried it. Already, I'm seeing the results. My Monday morning level was 160, Tuesday was 150 and today is 140. I've exercised at least 30 min each day since last Thursday, and this has also helped with my general overall feeling of well being. I'm committing to being in bed by 10:30 during the week, and doing at least one productive thing each evening before I share tv time with Keith.
I'm also trying to really analyze what I feed into my mind; is it positive messages or negative? This doesn't mean I'm sticking my head in the sand and being unrealistic. Just the opposite, actually. I'm not listening to messages that make me discontent with the place I'm in. No messages that make me feel my worth is in being younger or more beautiful or having a knight in shining armour to rescue me from life's doldrums. As a former boss used to say- "It's time to pull up your big girl panties" and fight for the abundant life that's out there! You go girl!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Living the Serenity
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
How many times have I recited this prayer, having no real application in my life? But it occurred to me this morning that I have been fighting things I can't change, because I lack the courage, motivation, whatever, to change the things I can. Case in point: I am a diabetic. I don't want to be a diabetic. I have refused to accept that I'm a diabetic. I have fought making changes that will actually keep me healthier because I don't want to admit that I have a disease. So I'm not getting anywhere.
The "wisdom to know the difference" part comes in having the understanding that, even though I make the changes I need to, I will still always be a diabetic, although I can help keep my numbers down. But if I'm living in some delusion that I will someday magically not be a diabetic, I'm not living the first part of the prayer. I can eat all the right foods, take my meds, exercise the right amounts, and I will still be a diabetic. This is not negativity, it's reality, and I need to start understanding the difference ---oooh, another application for the prayer!
How many times have I recited this prayer, having no real application in my life? But it occurred to me this morning that I have been fighting things I can't change, because I lack the courage, motivation, whatever, to change the things I can. Case in point: I am a diabetic. I don't want to be a diabetic. I have refused to accept that I'm a diabetic. I have fought making changes that will actually keep me healthier because I don't want to admit that I have a disease. So I'm not getting anywhere.
The "wisdom to know the difference" part comes in having the understanding that, even though I make the changes I need to, I will still always be a diabetic, although I can help keep my numbers down. But if I'm living in some delusion that I will someday magically not be a diabetic, I'm not living the first part of the prayer. I can eat all the right foods, take my meds, exercise the right amounts, and I will still be a diabetic. This is not negativity, it's reality, and I need to start understanding the difference ---oooh, another application for the prayer!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
A Start is a Start
It's amazing how quickly you can lose your stamina when you haven't exercised for a while. After a meeting last night, Keith and I went to the Y and just walked the track. We did walk at a fairly brisk pace, and passed several people, but still; 1/2 hr later, I was aching and whining to go home. But a start is just that- a start, and so I feel good that we didn't sit on the couch all night.
Today, I'm going to spin class at noon; I'm actually very thankful that the teacher won't be there, and it's just a few of us getting together to do it, because I don't think I could keep up otherwise! I'm hoping to see the changes in my attitude and overall sluggishness as I keep up with this.
Next comes the eating part...right now, I'm still so sick of food, after all the holiday binges, that I just want to not eat anything! And because it's so cold, the idea of fresh veggies and salads does not thrill me in the least; bring on the hearty stews and casseroles! I'll get there....
As for the "winter blahs" of my soul, well, I can only say that I feel I made some discoveries about myself last night that make me feel as if I am no longer wallowing in the wilderness, but am moving through the wilderness, on my way to something better, some discovery. I realize I am very purpose driven, and when life or work feels as if it has no greater purpose, I languish. Now, the task becomes to seek out the purpose in the everyday place I find myself!
Today, I'm going to spin class at noon; I'm actually very thankful that the teacher won't be there, and it's just a few of us getting together to do it, because I don't think I could keep up otherwise! I'm hoping to see the changes in my attitude and overall sluggishness as I keep up with this.
Next comes the eating part...right now, I'm still so sick of food, after all the holiday binges, that I just want to not eat anything! And because it's so cold, the idea of fresh veggies and salads does not thrill me in the least; bring on the hearty stews and casseroles! I'll get there....
As for the "winter blahs" of my soul, well, I can only say that I feel I made some discoveries about myself last night that make me feel as if I am no longer wallowing in the wilderness, but am moving through the wilderness, on my way to something better, some discovery. I realize I am very purpose driven, and when life or work feels as if it has no greater purpose, I languish. Now, the task becomes to seek out the purpose in the everyday place I find myself!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Winter Blahs
It's cold today. By Ozarks standards, it's REALLY cold. My car thermostat said 5 degrees when I came into work today. In years past, I haven't minded the winter; it seemed a great time to burrow in and pretend to be a bear in the evenings. This year, I feel like that's all I do, and I'm tired of it. Mind you, not tired enough to actually MOVE. I've become a winter slug. I go to work, I sit. I walk to my car, and sit all the way home (which is good; it would be hard to drive standing up). I get home, change my clothes, and sit, til it's time to get up and go lay down in bed.
Something's got to give. I'm beginning to not even be bothered by my inactivity, it's becoming my habit. But I don't want to feel this way much longer. I need a motivation. You know, besides the already present motivators of high blood sugar, high BMI, and the extra 15 lbs around my hips like an inner tube. But try as I might, nothing seems to be the thing that trips my trigger...
Blah.
Something's got to give. I'm beginning to not even be bothered by my inactivity, it's becoming my habit. But I don't want to feel this way much longer. I need a motivation. You know, besides the already present motivators of high blood sugar, high BMI, and the extra 15 lbs around my hips like an inner tube. But try as I might, nothing seems to be the thing that trips my trigger...
Blah.
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